Grandma got run over by a reindeer — what should we do?

Q: Grandma got run over by a reindeer coming home from our house Christmas Eve! What do we do?

A: This perennial question is once again on everyone’s lips, and the legal matters involved are complex.

The first issue is the nature of vehicle involved. According to experts I’ve consulted (my children), the sleigh is a powered not only by reindeer but also a 500 reindeer-power Kringle 3000 jet engine, which might allow it to fall under our legislation as a “motor vehicle” while travelling at low altitude along municipal or provincial roads. From a jurisdiction perspective, my experts tell me that the vehicle originates at the geomagnetic North Pole (it’s on land, which I’m told is required for elven-workshop construction). This would mean the vehicle is likely licensed in Nunavut, avoiding an international dispute, and all but guaranteeing a valid policy of insurance.

Also, to be struck by a reindeer, let’s assume Grandma was a pedestrian. This would mean that a reverse onus exists, in which the driver of the sleigh is automatically at fault unless proven otherwise. That gives rise to a number of pressing questions: Was Grandma dipping into the spiked eggnog and not paying attention? Was the sleigh driver’s vision impaired due to foggy glasses or fatigued from an evening of travelling around the world on a high-sugar diet? Were the reindeer properly maintained and well-lit for visibility? These details will prove critical going forward.

Finally, we come to the issue of damages. My experts believe the likely outcome would be Grandma getting filled with joy and holiday cheer (given that these are magic reindeer). In that case, most experienced counsel would recommend against commencing a legal action.

Ross & McBride LLP wishes everyone a safe and magical holiday season!

This article was originally published by The Hamilton Spectator.